Surging Memories
by apple sauce
Summary: A one-shot portraying Riza Hawkeye's reminiscence about her past with Roy in a dreamlike phase while suffering from a fever. A RoyxRiza story, enjoy!


Disclaimer: First of all, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor I do own the protagonists of my story: Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye. Second, this is the first fanfic I have ever written in my life, so please, any criticism is welcomed! And finally, please excuse my overly excessive use of third person pronouns. I wanted to emphasize the characters by referring to them only as "Him" and "Her", as there are only two characters in this story. Well, what else can I say? Enjoy this short one-shot Royai fic!

--

She had always been facing his back. Ever since the day of promise, the promise that began their everlasting distances from one another; the promise that was delivered in trust.

"_I want you to watch my back. In the case that I stray from my path, shoot me with your very hands"._

No, that was not entirely true. Perhaps, she had been following his back ever since she was but an adolescent. Already then, there was an unspeakable distance between them. She would watch through the slight crack of the heavy wooden door, the shadows of his and her father's backs, deep within the dimmed study room. She did not know him then, he was only a student of her father's, an apprentice of alchemy. He barely spoke to her, and neither did she. She only watched on, the outlines of his back, though mystified as to her strange behaviour, she did not inquire herself as to why she does so. She did not want to know the answer, nor did she bother to.

The day her father passed away, was the very first time that he had called her name.

"_Riza…" _

His cerulean military uniform stained crimson with blood, both his arms wrapped around her dying father, supporting him― he had finally looked her in the eye, his firm onyx black against her gentle hazel brown. The moment he had called her name, looked her in the eye, the answer was clear. She had understood why she had always followed his back, his shadow. She―

--

"―tenant…" a voice cooed from afar. "Lieuten―", the voice became louder, and more audible. She could recognize the voice, it was his voice― the voice of the man she had always… "Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

She jerked her head upward and saw him standing over her, his dark eyes showing concern. She opened her mouth slowly, but remained silent. No words came out.

"Lieutenant, are you feeling all right?" his deep voice rang in her ears. She looked at him, blinked a few times, her hazel eyes dazed. "Lieutenant…" He moved closer, his hands pressed against her table as he leaned in towards her. She could feel his breath on her face, soft and warm…

Her eyes widen as she jolted back to reality. She stood up abruptly and looked down at her superior's face. "Sir― What is it, Colonel?" she managed to suppress the anxiety in her voice.

"I kept calling you, Lieutenant. What's wrong?" He straightened himself up from her desk and looked her in the eyes.

"Nothing is the matter, sir. I was just… thinking. Is there something you wanted from me?" Her eyes softened as she returned his gaze.

"No, nothing in particular," he began to chuckle. "How rare, the diligent Lieutenant Hawkeye, daydreaming away." He smirked at her.

"Sir―! I―" She found herself at a loss for words. She shook her head, sighed, then continued, "That was very irresponsible of me sir, I apologize."

"Don't fret over it. It was a rather unusual sight to see, very interesting," he grinned widely as she frowned. He paused a little before continuing, "What were you thinking about?"

Surprised at his little query, her eyes fixed onto his imploring eyes. Her expressions softened as she replied. "Many things," she smiled gently. "I am going to make some tea, would you like some?" She asked as she tucked in a strand of golden hair that had somehow slipped from the clip, to behind her ears.

"That would be great," he looked at her in the eyes, his expressions, too, have softened. She nodded and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.

As she continued down the corridor towards the resting area, her previously suppressed emotions came rushing back to her. It was very unlike her to daze off during work, especially, when it was concerning the past. She had rarely reminisced about her earlier years. Not only did they consist mainly of disheartening memories that would wake her up in the middle of the night, face flushed, with tears running down her cheeks, but there were recollections that she had not wanted to recall― memories, such as those she had just previously had. The emotions she had convinced herself to suppress could easily resurface with the aid of the memories.

Sighing, she removed the tea container from the cupboards and reached for two white clay mugs lying just behind the tea container. She moved routinely, filling the kettle with water and setting it onto the stove. She stood in front of the stove, waiting patiently for the water to boil. Making tea had already become habitual for her. It made her wonder, just exactly how long had she been part of the military…? She looked up at the monotonous ceiling and sighed. She reached up to close the open cabinets only to find unexpectedly how extremely heavy her body had become. She groaned and clutched the side of her head with her left hand. By then, she had sweat building on her forehead and her body was boiling beneath her military uniform. How had she not noticed her condition earlier? She frowned at her own lapse and proceeded to head out of the room. However, she was fainter than she had expected herself to be and her legs gave away, resulting in her crashing onto the hard flooring. Despite the pain jabbing at her body, she welcomed the cold floor which pressed firmly against her burning face. She shut her eyes slowly, taking in as much light as she could before she succumbed to the darkness that awaited her.

--

The man she had… loved?

No, that was not true. At least, not yet.

On the day of her father's funeral, it was rather windy and gloomy, which only additionally supplemented the melancholic air. No one attended the funeral except for him and her. The great flame alchemist had passed away, unknown and uncared by the world. It was just the two of them.

"_Have you thought about where to go next? Do you have any other relatives?_"

"…_No. My mother died when I was still young. My parents broke off from their families. I don't know who they are, and where they are…"_

"_Here, if you ever need anything, I will be in the military_," he said as he passed a card to her. "_I will probably there my entire life_", he added.

"_A soldier for the rest of your life…"_ she repeated mindlessly. "_Please don't die_".

"_Don't say such things!_" his face cringed for a moment, then he looked up at the sky before continuing, "_But I can't guarantee that… I am but a pawn piece on the checkerboard. Perhaps one day, I will be thrown away like any other pawn pieces. But even so, I want to use these hands of mine, and create a better world for all of us. That's why I wanted to learn alchemy._" He paused then smiled sheepishly, "_Well, that was quite a childish dream wasn't it?_"

"_No, not at all_", she replied as she focused her view of sight at the tombstone in front of her, "_I think that is a wonderful dream. I too, would like to see that world someday_". She smiled tenderly, "_My father had told me that his research cannot be easily understood by ordinary alchemists… Say, can I entrust this back to you…? Can you show me the world that you've vowed to create…?_"

She turned her head and looked at him in the eyes, a smile surfacing on her melancholic face. His dark eyes were puzzled by her words. He remained silent, but she knew his answer.

By nightfall, they had returned to her home, which seemed strangely empty without her father's presence. She led him into the study room and asked that he closed the door behind him. She moved toward the window and unfastened the rusty hinge that kept the windows shut. A welcoming breeze of cool air streamed into the room. Situated on the second floor, her views extended to beyond the distant lands and mountains off in the horizon. He moved to join her at the window, both of them looking off into the distance. They were both silent, but each knew what the other was thinking of― the future― the beautiful, and peaceful future that awaited them.

They remained in that position for awhile, neither of them wanting to move nor to break the silence. They merely wanted to enjoy one another's presence. The moon shone brightly against the window sill, illuminating the entire room with its mystifying glow.

She looked up at him and smiled, her face glowed under the pale moonlight. He noticed her, and returned the smile, his opaque eyes so soft and calming. Nodding, she broke the silence, "_let us begin…_"

--

She felt something cool on her face. It was not the hard flooring, but something soft― something gentle, like a hand. Her eyes gradually opened, the sharp light excited her senses, and blinded her for a moment. She squinted her eyes as she slowly adjusted to the bright lighting that welcomed her return from the darkness.

Though her vision was blurred, she could sense that someone was beside her, and that a hand was gently caressing her feverish face. It was him.

"Lieutenant…" his voice was almost inaudible.

"…Sir…" she managed to let out a word. Her body was heavy and her throat burning as if on fire. "…Where am I? …Ah… The te―" her mouth was shushed by his finger. She looked at him weakly, her vision finally focused. Judging by her surroundings, she decided that she must have been carried to the infirmary room after being found unconscious in the resting room. Her golden hair spread out on the pillow― someone had removed her hairclip for her, and her heavy military attire as well.

"Shh― You need rest. Everything else can wait," he stroked her forehead.

"But the tea…" she called out weakly, making an attempt to sit herself up, only to find herself falling into his arms― he had caught her before she fell back onto the bed.

"Forget about the tea. Rest, Lieutenant. That's an order," his voice was soft but firm at the same time. He slowly laid her head down onto the pillow, and pulled the blanket up to her neck.

"…Thank you, sir," she smiled faintly, catching another glimpse of his concerned face before shutting her eyes again.

"I am sorry," he whispered, the voice barely reaching her ears as she fell back into a deep sleep.

--

"_I am sorry!_" he exclaimed when her body quivered upon his touch. He quickly retrieved his hands from her bare back. She was facing toward the wall with her white blouse, clutched firmly in her hands, covering her chest. She shook her head quickly in response, "_it's nothing, I was just a little surprised, that's all. Can you understand anything from that?_" He didn't respond, but she could feel his eyes studying her back, the bright red array, tattooed onto her snow-white skin. Though she couldn't see, she could feel his imploring eyes, exploring every inch of her back, every letter, every picture engraved deep within her skin. The mere thought made her face burn like fire, her hands clutched even tighter onto her blouse.

Days would go by like this, her sitting down facing the wall, and him, deciphering the enigmatic symbols on her back. She would cook dinner for the both of them, do their laundry, and watch over him as he engrossed himself in the research of alchemy. Despite it being weeks, months, every time she turned toward the wall, displaying her bare back in front of him, she would blush secretly. But she was happy. She loved having his company by her side as she did not feel lonely anymore. She could feel that the profound distance that had once lain between them since the very first day they've met was shortened day by day.

"_I have solved the array!_" he cried out in excitement one night, his voice made her jump. "_Riza, I've solved it! I understand it now!_"

She nodded, still facing the wall. She knew that she should be happy for him, and she was, but the sadness that was surging from deep within her heart oozed out as silent tears falling from her beautiful hazel eyes. She knew that this was the end and that tonight would be the last night he would be by her side. She hated the thought of being alone again, and even more for her selfishness.

"_Riza…?_" he called out softly, not realizing why she hadn't turned around. She nodded again but did not turn around to face him. She couldn't. Tears of mixed emotions―anger, sadness― were streaming down her hot cheek. She tried her best to refrain herself from shaking as she sobbed silently, her lips bright red from biting, her blouse wrinkled beyond recognition under her two clutched hands.

He didn't say anything anymore. She heard him lifted himself off the floor, and her heart froze, "_he was leaving her",_ her eyes widened.

Suddenly, a pair of warm arms wrapped around her trembling body. The embrace was so gentle yet strong. He pulled her deeper within himself, kissed the side of her head, and pressed his face on her bare shoulders. Neither of them said anything. The only sounds in the room were of the dripping wax from the candle and the soft whimpers coming from her. Though her body had stopped quivering, she could not stop her tears from falling. Every drop of her tears landed on the arms that tightly enveloped her, as if trying to soak away her sorrow bit by bit.

They remained like that for what seemed like forever― an eternity that she did not want to end― but she knew― she knew that he this was a forever that had to end. She could not bind him here with her, he still had yet to realize his dream― no, their dream.

"_I will be fine_," she broke the silence, her voice faint and weary from crying. He did not loosen his grip. "_Promise me that you won't die…? Promise me that… our dream will become reality…?_" she forced these words out before her voice cracked, before her tears resumed flowing. He lifted his head from her shoulders, and turned her around so that he could see her face, a beautiful face fatigued by tears.

"_I promise_".

She smiled, her attractive face covered by painfully-stricken tears. He too, smiled at her, a smile filled with sorrow and heartache. He gently wiped away her endless tears with one hand and brushed her golden hair from her face with another. He leaned in toward her, and looked her deep in the eyes. His opaque eyes were red― he too had cried. Delicately, he pressed his lips onto hers, ever so lightly, as if barely touching. Tears were welling up in her eyes again. She slowly shut her eyes as tears ran down her cheeks once more.

--

She slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry, not from the fever, but from her tears. She had been crying in her sleep. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The same hands that had wiped her tears away in her dream did the same in reality. She kept her eyes closed, but knew that he was still there, his hands stroking her hair, and wiping her tears away.

"Bad dream?" his voice was low and subtle. She smiled as she reached her right hand from underneath the blanket and cupped his hand against her cheek. "No, not at all," she answered. "Just―", she opened her eyes and looked at him, who was sitting beside her bed, "a little sad", she continued.

He smiled softly then sighed. "Don't be too hard on yourself. I don't want you collapsing like this ever again. A subordinate should take good care of herself before protecting her superior," he scolded gently.

"I am sorry for worrying you, sir. I will make sure that this doesn't happen again," she gave his hand a little squeeze before letting go. Her eyes widened with surprise when he reached for her hand again, and held it even tighter than before. "Colonel?" she blinked at him, shocked by his action.

"Shh― Go back to bed, I will be here until you fall asleep," he cooed. "But you still have work to do..." her intended tease quickly became a genuine worry. "Those can wait, you just rest," he frowned. "…Your hands…" she finally pointed out, her face blushing a little. "This is so you don't have nightmares again," he coughed and said in a matter-of-factly manner.

She chuckled before closing her eyes again. "I already said it wasn't a nightmare," she stated as she smiled.

"_Rather, it was just the exact opposite_".


End file.
